1/31

one month? no weight lost, no weight gained. long weekend, tons of exercise. eating better than last weekend.  did not prepare any food for today, so we'll see how this goes. will take some yogurt, granola and some fruit. today my goal is to eat as mindfully as possible and to do my yoga tonight. havent done stretches in forever and i can definitely feel a difference. so much for making a schedule.

friday

well, no del taco. stopped at 7/11 and got yogurt instead and added my bb granola. quite tasty and filling. had spicy beef salad for lunch. came home and had 3 corn tortillas, 1/4c cheese and 1 cup lean ground beef. got lots of exercise (6 loads laundry, plus scrubbing kitchen, plus redecorating living room). great mood this morning, energy levels up, period ending.

thursday 1/27

argh. bottomless pit stomach yesterday. went to del taco, telling myself it was disgusting the whole time. reasoning that it was more palatable and cheaper than the other food places. it was so/so. no food in car(bb arent sticking together, came out granola again.) salad for lunch(v.tasty), starving when i got home. made pancakes and bacon (thawed and easy), plus smoothie. out of greens. lots of meat in freezer. shoulda made my lentils last night, but forgot. ended up painting. no exercise, no homework. depressed and zonked when i got up this morning. need some fruit. so, day fail.

lessons forgotton:
breakfast handy
carbs are draining

bah, bah, bah

wednesday morning

yesterday: no breakfast, greek salad (prepackaged) for lunch, steak and instant mashed potatoes at 4, 4 inches turkey summer sausage plus cheese/crackers/mustard, 3 inch square chocolate, pomegranate mango juice. yep, that was a winner of a day. not absorbing earlier lessons learned,obviously. made my breakfast bars last night, but didnt cook them long enough and they are not sticking together. feel like crap this morning(although quite possible more due to money/child/pms issues). goal today? granola breakfast, salad lunch, healthy dinner, exercise..

1/25/11

well, last weekend was a total bust. lots of walking, but way too much food. didn't even try. mom dropped off salad last night, so that can be lunch and dinner till it's gone. no exercise last night. cold sores! sugar+sun+stress equals cold sores! and i have one. so far:
eating much less sugar than last month
eating less fast food than last month
still smoking
still not enough exercise

but major sustainable lifestyle changes are a bitch. much more aware, and that's a good thing. not feeling any real pain or deprivation, but there has been an improvement. so, on the whole, B+.
lessons learned this week:
feel like crap when i spend too much money
del taco is yucky
walking is good
company is better

thurs

first day of school. woke up feeling okay. slightly depressed all day, but blue eyeshadow and shiny earrings helped. high anxiety before class, but it better once inside, seems okay. ate del taco for breakfast(didnt taste good at all-psychosomatic hunger feelings when i see the sign though). i was absolutely starving this morning. must be pms never ending stomach time. yogurt with blueberries and crumbled bkfst bars. taco bell!!! for dinner. sigh. came home and made amaranth clusters for tomorrow, set out meat to thaw for tacos. tried to exercise, but very sore, lower back is killing me. plus-leftover smoothie. mmm-mmmmm.. also-hair very shiny and soft and bouncy-new argon oil treatment, self-mani/pedi last night, skin feels terrific. weigh in=285. made plans to go visiting this weekend(cousin). feeling better now.

thurs

first day of school. woke up feeling okay. slightly depressed all day, but blue eyeshadow and shiny earrings helped. high anxiety before class, but it better once inside, seems okay. ate del taco for breakfast(didnt taste good at all-psychosomatic hunger feelings when i see the sign though). i was absolutely starving this morning. must be pms never ending stomach time. yogurt with blueberries and crumbled bkfst bars. taco bell!!! for dinner. sigh. came home and made amaranth clusters for tomorrow, set out meat to thaw for tacos. tried to exercise, but very sore, lower back is killing me. plus-leftover smoothie. mmm-mmmmm.. also-hair very shiny and soft and bouncy-new argon oil treatment, self-mani/pedi last night, skin feels terrific. weigh in=285. made plans to go visiting this weekend(cousin). feeling better now.

wednesday night

still a wee bit depressed, nothing bad, but having a hard time feeling positive and motivated. vegan bars for breakfast, mediterranean chicken salad for lunch, taco salad for dinner, mixed berry/pom/yogurt smoothie, i square chocolate. lunch with a friend today, felt really uncommunicative and out-of-touch. nothing to say really. school starts tomorrow, still havent bought a book, 1st time ever i'm showing up unprepared(self-destruction?). having a hard time working at work, so bored and unmotivated and feeling swamped. maybe just pms. no reason at all to feel like this, just loneliness dragging me down. tired of spinning wheels-scared of change. feeling totally uncapable more like. what else would i do? still so trapped.

early wednesday

depression hit like a ton of bricks this morning. school starts tomorrow and i haven't even bought my books yet. i went on a shopping spree instead. tablecloths for a couch cover,lip liner, hand treatment, rice face powder. skipped breakfast yesterday, leftover thai chicken salad(out of beef), starving all afternoon, came home at 8 to eat taco salad(leftover ground beef, mixed greens, tomatoes, cheese and chipotle mayo as dressing<geez>).no exercise except walking. 3 ghiradeli squares. no weight lost. Also, delish as hell smoothie-pomegranate, strawberry, raspberry, mango, yogurt and agave syrup. I did walk alot when shopping-really, really. not even close to following the action exercise plan. today is omega 3 day, boost passionate productivity, yesterday was to wake up happy, i did that. productivity is a good goal=mail off birth certificate, but books, actually do some work today. that'd be nice.

monday

well, diet and exercise was mostly fail this weekend, again. no exercise+pizza(2 slices)+hot wings(2)+beer(1 1/2). today I had one brownie and one mini starbucks dark chocolate bar. so wonderfully good. breakfast ws vegan breakfast bar, lunch was thai beef salad (grass fed beef, cabbage, cucumbers, tomatoes, green beans). delish. dinner was 2 whole corn ground organic beef tacos with 1/4 c cheddar cheese and 1 1/2 tbsp sour cream; orange for night time snack. 30 minutes cardio plus yoga. lower back is sore, pilates would help. i feel preety good. energy is up up. doubtful i have lost any weight, but this eating better thing is working great.

thursday

apple for breakfast; one orange, a pluot and a kiwi for lunch. 1/2 cup trail mix. dinner=2 tortillas, 3/4 lean ground beef,  1/8c cheese, 1 tbsp sour cream. 2 cups coffee. 1/2 hour cardio, plus yoga. heavy black eyeliner today. feeling bloated. prepared leek and potato soup, roasted beets salad for tomorrow. will have fruit for breakfast. I was hungry, but it wasn't bad. my energy levels are up, my attitude is up. still not motivated at work, but y'know. weigh again tomorrow morning.

wed week 2

holy shit. weighed myself tonight and the scale says 290? thats up from 268 3 weeks ago? 22 pounds in 3 weeks and i've been eating healthier and less? something is really wrong here. I still wear the same pant size that I bought when I was 248, and I just bought new ones in the same size last week. 270 was bad enough, but this is ridiculous. Did aerobics for 30 minutes plus yoga routine. no breakfast, sauteed veggies with 1 cup white rice for lunch, yogurt with 1/4c trail mix for snack, chicken and cheese sandwich on white for dinner. 2 cups coffee (2t milk +stevia+cinnamon).
lesson:
not enough exercise
too many calories
bad choices today-cheese, white bread, white rice
good choices today- gave back bag of chocolate someone gave me so I wouldn't eat it

also, blonde hair and red fingernails are boring. can't help it. need to find some middle ground where I am not a tart and not a mormon. All i really want is bright blue nails and a tight leopard dress and red lippy and pink hair.

bleh

face it, i've totally gone off track. steak and tortillas, chicken and salami and cheese sandwiches-all with white bread. made a giant good smoothie for breakfast-had del taco anyway. felt like crap and just passed out from all that meat as well. did do a spa day at home, did get exercise, have been eating more fruits and veggies. no candy bars at work, though. had thai for lunch-it was the sauteed veggies. did yoga this morning nd felt awesome. my preparedness has gone out the window. well, ive had a pot of lentils in the fridge i havent touched.
lessons, lessons:
prepare, prepare, prepare
get some self-control

weekend 1

not a total bust, but close to one. didn't stick to diet at all, but didn't eat as bad as possible. ate reasonably healthy and didn't pig out, but did have some mint thins and a cinnamon roll. Did get exercise, 2 mile walk one day plus yoga and more walking today. no naps. did some house cleaning, washed the cat, got in some me-time. so, better than my normal, but can and will do better.
lessons learned-
have food ready on weekends
ignore mother's tricks
exercise makes me feel better

day 4

ditched work for much needed alone time. Stuck with bars for breakfast-v. filling. Came home around 2 and blew it. 2 pieces white bread with leftover steak for lunch. Went out for dinner at souplantation-good veggie salad with low-cal tomato dressing. 5 pieces sourdough with butter, 1/4 cup jello with strawberry mousse and granola for dessert. At least I got lots of exercise. Did yoga last night. could def feel dif between foods and energy levels. Mostly plants is a good thing for me. Loving the breakfast, but can see how it will get old. Today is friday and this weekend will def be a challenge.

day 3

solved breakfast problem.vegan bars worked great, chewy and interesting and kept me full. Lunch was tolerable, but had to concentrate to finish it. Skipped snack, unfortunately. Messed up dinner- didn't have anything prepared and ended up eating organic mac-n-cheese with some ground beef. Didn't taste good and wasn't appetizing either. Fail all around. Also had 5 truffles. Not disappointed in myself, but could've done better. I was starting to feel good, I had way more energy last night and today. Goals today were sip smart(met, smoothies with pomegranate, strawberries and raspberries last night and today,v.good); start a stress diary(hi!); exercise (yoga soon). Stresses? no money per usual, so not worth thinking about; child needs to go to the doctor (must call ex); teeth falling out; car wonky. Skipping work tomorrow-not losing any money(loads of sick time) and need some time to myself. Goals tomorrow? Eat good breakfast, go for long walk, take some nice pics, wash cat, spend some time with friends..

day 2

Did my yoga last night, felt really good. This morning when I got up I could still feel it in my muscles. ate del taco again for breakfast. Wasn't hungry and didn't really want it. It was weird how my brain really tried to fail and go there. I was afraid of being hungry when I got back to work, or getting something worse later, and I stopped and got my normal burritos. I had fruit, but I just don't get hungry until 9 or so and I had my fruit in the back of the car, but too hard to eat while driving.  Excuses, excuses. I am really afraid of being hungry. Salmon with lentils for lunch, 1/4 of the recipe. It was better than yesterday, but not good. Saved the other 1/4 for lunch tomorrow. Eating as much as I can for dinner tonight. Had fruit for a snack at 3:30. Had one godiva caramel (present from po office guy), and one white chocolate truffle. Also made anti-oxidant smoothie, v.good. No headache today!
Lessons learned:
need protein
breakfast still not working out, need something portable.

first day

first day of new challenge. 2 cups of coffee. folded and ate del taco for breakfast. ate the fruit with tahini for lunch. tried to eat millet, but was disgusting. had yogurt with trail mix for snack. tried to finish millet for dinner, but only managed 1/2 cup (how do people eat that?) with 4 oz of steak for dinner. 3 chocolate truffles. did 10 minutes of walking. Major headache, finally took aspirin. Been drinking cranberry juice and water. Lessons learned:
Eat breakfast before I leave the house.
Don't force myself to eat things I hate-bring alternatives.
Yoga is good.
Have healthy snacks.

Also, child limited to 1 hour video games per day.